Facebook and narcissism connection?

As an add-on to my last posting, I saw this article "Does Facebook Turn People Into Narcissists?" in the NY Times this morning. Interestingly, "Narcissism per se was associated with only one type of Facebook user — those who amassed unrealistically large numbers of Facebook friends." I know some of these people...

Narcissism – drowning in a pool of self-obsession or confidently changing the world?

“Narcissists…are independent and not easily impressed. They are innovators, driven in business to gain power and glory. Productive narcissists are experts in their industries, but they go beyond it. They also pose the critical questions. They want to learn everything about everything that affects the company and its products. Unlike erotics, they want to be admired, not loved. And unlike obsessives, they are not troubled by a punishing superego, so they are able to aggressively pursue their goals. Of all the personality types, narcissists run the greatest risk of isolating themselves at the moment of success. And because of their independence and aggressiveness, they are constantly looking out for enemies, sometimes degenerating into paranoia when they are under extreme stress.” – Michael Maccoby, Narcissistic Leaders – The Incredible Pros, the Inevitable Cons, Harvard Business Review January-February 2000

“…Level 5 leader – an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will. According to our five-year research study, executives who possess this paradoxical combination of traits are catalysts for the statistically rare event of transforming a good company into a great one…Personal Humility demonstrates a compelling modesty, shunning public adulation; never boastful, Acts with quiet, calm determination; relies principally on inspired standards, not inspiring charisma, to motivate…” – Jim Collins, Level 5 Leadership – The Triumph of Humility and Fierce Resolve, Harvard Business Review July-August 2005

Even in academia there is a debate over this issue of whether or not narcissism is a strength or a weakness in leadership. Is it a necessary evil that we must suffer leaders who think only of themselves, who we need to empathize with but not expect empathy from in return, give ideas to and not get credit for them and be available at his or her every beck and call as Maccoby’s article suggests? If you ask me, I certainly hope not as that is a job I would quit.

I believe a leader should not overpower others with his or her sensitivity to criticism, lack of empathy and desire to compete. Instead a leader should empower others to greatness (see Get Busy Living entry from 12 May 2012) and be closer to Collins’ picture of a “Level 5 Leader” who gives credit to others for success and takes on the blame for failures. Of course it must be said that we all have some amount of narcissism that allows us to survive, but an extreme amount causes a person to be unstable, paranoid and unpleasant to be around – not the qualities I would want in a leader. Non-narcissists can still see the ‘big picture’ and inspire others around them to achieve it, but they don’t have the downside of needing yes-men who tip-toe around them and create the perfect conditions for groupthink or the cravings to exploit or defeat others. I believe any of the strengths in leadership narcissism provides can be produced through other ways and personalities without narcissism and that this would be a more positive and productive way of working for all involved.

Perhaps it is not surprising that I feel this way as I am an “ISFJ” on the Myers Briggs scale and my top 5 themes on the StrengthsFinder are harmony, discipline, relator, consistency and empathy. This suggests that I am compassionate and fair – wanting everyone to be treated as an individual and get credit where credit is due, that I strive for harmony and am empathetic to others. While I am unaware of a typical narcissist’s Myers Briggs makeup or strengths, I doubt it would be consideration of others or a desire to create an atmosphere of harmony, which makes sense why I would not see narcissism as a strength but instead as a burden to remove.

LKYSPP AOL - Blog I

What does “leadership” mean to you? What benefit would you get from improving your leadership skills?

“The American People want leadership. And in the absence of genuine leadership, they will listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They're so thirsty for it, they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.

We've had Presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand, because they're thirsty. They drink it because they don't know the difference.”

-The American President (movie)

I believe that at first thought, most people would think of leadership as ‘telling others what to do’ or ‘being the boss’. In fact, in the US I would assert that our cultural skepticism of authority even leads most Americans to see leadership more often than not with a negative connotation. There are of course exceptions and examples of ‘great leaders’ – Abraham Lincoln, JFK, even perhaps current President Obama for some. But in everyday life I believe the average American sees a majority of examples of poor leadership, hence the negative association.

To me, true leadership doesn’t require being in a position of power but it does mean being able to observe, assess and identify what a group or team of individuals needs to succeed, and then to provide that need (through struggle if necessary). The need could be tangible like resources or technical expertise, or it could also be intangible like guidance, encouragement or discipline. Doing this creates respect and trust from the individuals and creates a ‘safe space’ within which they feel comfortable and empowered to function in.

Too often are individuals seeking leadership positions for the glory or the paycheck and I believe that if more served as leaders who truly cared about their team and its objective, more would be achieved. When I was young, my dad had a single frame in his office at home that hung on the wall and said:

“There’s no limit to what you can accomplish, if you don’t care who gets the credit”

It had hung there since before I was born and I remember trying to understand it when I was first learning to read. Later on when I could read quite well I would read it over and over but couldn’t understand what it meant. I wondered - why would getting credit prevent one from accomplishing something? Only now having worked for a number of years do I understand its wisdom and important encouragement to position one’s frame of mind correctly.

Improving my own leadership skills would enable me to embody my own definition of leadership above and facilitate success, no matter what the situation or role I may be playing in the professional, volunteer or personal aspects of my life. I believe this ability is desired by and lacking in society, which is why true leadership is so revered and why I’m eager to possess true leadership skills.

This has now become my resurrected "school" blog for LKYSPP! Enjoy~

Virtual Tour of my new apartment...

Dear all, Getting a place to live was such an accomplishment I just had to give you a proper tour. Make sure your audio is on!

FINALLY MOVING

I'm FINALLY moving to an apartment on WEDNESDAY!!!! WOO HOO!!

I've been sick all week and work's been insane, here's to hoping that with the new place, no more moving and finally being able to put down some roots, I'll feel better and get life in control!

:)

ONE MILLION DOLLARS *ahem* I mean, ONE BILLION DOLLARS!

Hello all!

In a nod to this year's Best Picture winner and to the days when "I.M. Pei" would win you a million dollars, please join in my own personal version (idea courtesy of Drew Sheeran, idea-man extraordinaire) of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Asia style... (I've gone back a little ways just to make sure we're all up to speed)

$100
Where did Kelsey spend her 24th birthday?
a. Hanoi, Vietnam (She's still there, right?)
b. Washington, DC (because the Tombs will always be the place to be for your birthday)
c. San Clemente, CA (home is where the presents are)
d. Luang Prabang, Laos (cause you should always be somewhere random on your birthday!)

Okay, you all should have known that one.

$200
What new profession did Kelsey try out this summer/fall?
a. Paralegal
b. Tour Guide
c. Teacher
d. Overseas Voting Consultant

That actually should've been 100 cause it was even easier. Oh well.

$300
What retail store did Kelsey work at over Christmas?
a. Schnyder-Works (the family business now has a retail branch)
b. Macy's (because Hanoi wasn't torture enough)
c. Crazy Shirts (because everyone who lived in Village A B402 needs to work there at least once)
d. None, she was too busy helping her Mom with Christmas

A little trickier, huh?

$500
Where did Kelsey go after Christmas and why?
a. Disneyland (Cousin Ian gets her free passes)
b. Washington, DC (to start a new job?)
c. Hanoi, Vietnam (back to the grindstone)
d. Hong Kong (to travel more?)

Hmmm, depends how up to speed you are on my life if you'll make it past this point! Need to use a lifeline? Call someone you think knows me better than you do.

$1,000
What holiday did Kelsey celebrate for the first time in January 2009?
a. Christmakwanzikah
b. Inauguration Day
c. Lunar New Year
d. Her brother's birthday

You're probably okay if you use some common sense...

$2,000
In what city did Kelsey interview and get a job?
a. Hong Kong (no Cantonese? no problem!)
b. Singapore (Singa-where is that?)
c. Ho Chi Minh City (she already knows the language...)
d. Shanghai (China is the future, why not work there?)

Admittedly, some of you have probably lost by now. Maybe try the 50/50? That will eliminate C & D...

$4,000
What job did she get?
a. English teacher (hey, she has the prereqs!)
b. Foreign Service Officer (working for the US govt does have its perks)
c. Business Development Coordinator (she does like to coordinate...)
d. Operations & Logistics for an American company (Americans like to hire Americans)

This one you may just have to guess.

$8,000
What does Kelsey currently do all day?
a. Not much- replies to some emails, prints and reads things (thank goodness Windows has Solitaire)
b. Some light work- the job's still getting going, meetings and organizing for now
c. Work- but her boss doesn't trust her yet
d. Heavy work- her boss isn't around much

This could just go against the rest of her work experience, be careful!

$16,000
What are the 4 official languages in Kelsey's new city?
a. Cantonese, Mandarin, English & Thai
b. Mandarin, English, Tamil & Malay
c. Cantonese, Thai, Vietnamese & English
d. Tamil, Mandarin, Australian & Spanish

Did you even know that some of these were languages? I thought so...

$32,000
How does Kelsey get to work?
a. Motorbike (same same as always)
b. Taxi (it's just how people get around)
c. Subway (eat fresh)
d. Bus (how very un-Southern Californian)

You could poll the audience...

$64,000
How much does a beer cost in Kelsey's new city?
a. 33 cents (just like the old city)
b. 33 dollars (you can eat the bottle)
c. 13 dollars (it's reallllly good beer)
d. 5 dollars (why should it cost more?)

$125,000
What's the average temperature in Kelsey's new city?
a. 60 degrees fahrenheit
b. 90 degrees fahrenheit
c. 40 degrees fahrenheit
d. 110 degrees fahrenheit

It might help if you knew exactly where the city was on the globe...

$250,000
Where did Kelsey visit two weekends ago and where does she plan to visit next month?
a. Hanoi & Beijing (gotta love developing cities)
b. Bangkok & Bali (livin' it up)
c. Kuala Lumpur & Jakarta (for work)
d. Hong Kong & Macau (to visit friends)

If only I updated facebook photos more often you might know this...

$500,000
Where will Kelsey's new apartment be?
a. Chinatown (cause she loves Chinese people)
b. Little India (cause the apartment is new)
c. the suburbs (because its cheaper!)
d. Downtown (because she's tired of commuting)

Hats off to you if you've actually gotten this far.

$1,000,000
How long does Kelsey plan to stay in Asia?
a. No idea (your guess is as good as mine)
b. 1-2 years (depending on how it goes)
c. 2-3 years (gotta set down some roots)
d. 6-12 months (just a short term thing)



CONGRATULATIONS! You've made it (reading, at least) to the end! Now here are the answers...

$100: Answer D. Yes, I spent my actual day of birth in Laos! I was home for a month or two of visiting this past summer and had a great birthday party, but left to get back to Asia and the life of "career exploration" and traveling...I went to Bangkok, Chang Rai, Thailand, took a 2 day boat ride down into Laos and saw Luang Prabang, went kayaking down a river into Vientiene and then spent a few days in Hong Kong before getting back to Vietnam.

$200: Answer C. I taught from July to October, from ages 6 to 15 in two different schools. What's weird is that I got a lot of jobs simply because I'm not Asian. Teaching was hard work yet fun, but since I wasn't really excited about teaching after the first few months I'm pretty sure it's not the main career path for me...

$300: Answer B: Believe it or not, I worked at Macy's over Christmas. It was horrible. My coworkers were actually really nice and really good at their jobs, but the customers were atrocious! I've decided to not ever shop at Christmas lest I lose my Christmas spirit. You can all look forward to January gifts in the future.

$500: Answer D: Hong Kong it was! I decided I wasn't ready to settle down in North America yet so I went back to Asia to look for a job since I was certain that would be the easiest place for me to get one. I knew I wanted something different from the developing country of Vietnam so I narrowed it down to Shanghai, Hong Kong and Singapore. I started in Hong Kong since I had a free place to stay (Jeff's aunt's apartment) and because it seemed the most exciting yet still manageable for a non Chinese speaker.

$1000: Answer C: Lunar or Chinese new year is celebrated in Vietnam as well, but I didn't celebrate it since I was in Cambodia last year at that time. Instead I got to celebrate it with Jeff and his family in Hong Kong and it was really enjoyable. It's comparable to Christmas in North America - lots of family time, gifts, big meals... there's also the wonderful phenomenon of "lucky money" where elders have to give younger family members red envelopes with money. I must admit I cashed in on this as well. I spent the entire day going from house to house giving gifts and getting lucky money, having tea and snacks and watching a parade on tv. The entire city is stocked with piles of food, bushels of fresh cut flowers and clean, new clothes! We also got to see a 20 minute fireworks display over Victoria Harbor that was so good I will never need to see another one again.

$2000: Answer B: Singapore! It's an island located at the tip of the Malay Peninsula and is a city-state. You may know it from its reputation of being really really strict on personal freedoms and caning people. They don't cane any more, but they do fine you for just about anything. They also have a severely restricted press and anti drug policy. It's strategically located on a shipping trade route and the English founders encouraged lots of different people to come and inhabit the island so it's a mix of ethnicities. The city's economy is based on oil refining and mining, but also on banking and business. Oddly enough, the city tries to emulate Western culture (you could think you were in many different North American cities when you're in Singapore), but it has a lot of true Asian culture with a Western spin.

$4000: Answer C: I had a contact with my old law firm I worked with in Hanoi (Baker & McKenzie) in the Singapore office's Business Development (BD) group. I got passed through some contacts and ended up with an interview in early January. I started work Feb 1st as the BD Coordinator for the Singapore firm, which means that pretty much anything that goes through BD is organized or worked on by me, since it's just me and my boss doing the work. Business Development is a fancy way to say 'marketing' or 'getting and keeping new clients'. I run any client events the office might want to have (seminars, parties, events), I edit, publish, print and distribute client alerts, newsletters, directories, fliers, email campaigns, publication requests, invitations, develop client development plans, just about do everything except write legal advice. Honestly.

$8000: Answer D: If you had read the 4000 answer this question would've been easier as you can probably gather that I'm kept quite busy! My boss is really experienced (former lawyer, did extensive business development work) but she only works part time so half the week I run the show! Which I'm sure will be wonderful eventually, but right now it's still nerve wracking! But I really like my job so far, it's fast paced, I'm learning a lot and I enjoy all the new things and skills I'm getting. Now I understand what people mean about 'having so much to do at work', I don't think I could get it all done if I worked 24 hours a day! The firm is pretty big, in a huge office and I have an enjoyable open desk with lots of promotional materials stacked up everywhere.

$16000: Answer B: Singapore is majority Chinese (70%), but also Malay (from Malaysia 20%), Tamil (Indian ethnic minority 5%) and others (mostly white foreigners). These are the main languages that all the signs are in and people speak, but the main language is English. But not really English, it's more what they call "Singlish". Which is English with a Chinese accent that uses A LOT of slang. A lot of the people in my office have the accent, but some of the secretaries and support staff speak Singlish only and honestly, I cannot understand them. I make them email me instead. I guess you could compare it to the crazy brogue accents in England. But the cultures here are really interesting; way back in the day Stamford Raffles (the organizing father of Singapore, a white man) encouraged different groups of people to come to Singapore and then set about a precedent of extreme organization, with different cultures living in designated areas. This has stuck and so even in a city of 70% majority Chinese, they still have a Chinatown! They also have a Little India (intense, very India like), Arab Street (haven't been yet), basically lots of different people all speaking a mess of languages and having a mess of traditions. I have some initial thoughts about this but I figure I'll wait a few months before my official thoughts about the culture mix.

$32000: Answers C& D: Yes, a trick question! I've switched temporary housing until my permanent apartment is ready and before I only used to have to take the subway and then walk 10 minutes through 2 underground malls to get to my building, but now I've had to move further away so I have to take a bus to the subway and then walk. The bus part is the worst, the subway is always crowded but I don't mind and I really enjoy the walk in the morning. Singapore is fairly hot year around and the Singaporeans don't really like to be hot (or wet, it rains a lot too) so there's all these inside or underground walkways. Singaporeans also like to consume so there's malls everywhere, hence the underground walkway malls. Where I work is also in a shopping area so walking to work technically I walk through 4 different malls and pass by 2 more peripherally. When I think about it I find it crazy, but I do enjoy the window shopping.

$64000: Answer C: Alcohol is HEAVILY taxed here. If you come visit, please bring duty free gifts! It goes along with the other strict rules here in Singapore like no spitting, no chewing gum...

$125000: Answer B: That's right! We're right on the equator so it's pretty much hot year round. It's nice and humid too. Rainy season is in the fall/winter months and then typhoon reason is in the summer months. Besides walking to work and risking getting sweaty if I don't walk in the underground mall, I really love the weather. I like the steamy warm feeling outside because the rest of Singapore is so heavily air conditioned!! (See above answer about Singaporeans hating to be hot)

$250000: Answer B: Bangkok was to visit Jeff's college friends and Bali will be with my brother and sister in law! That's one one of the best perks about Singapore- it's strategically located near really cool places to visit on the weekend!

$500000: Answer B: Yep, Little India. Fingers crossed should move in mid March! Small but new apartment in area that's been redone.

$1000000 Answer: B Yep! 1 year definitely to give the job a chance and to get to know the country and area and then maybe extending to another year if the position (or promotion) is one I can't turn down. SO, come and visit! For the first time in a long time I know where I'll be for at least 12 months!




Thank you for playing, if any of you really did get all of them correct just let me know and I'll send you your check.

My love to all of you!

Kelsey

Skype: kworksy
Mobile: +65 9883 9302
Work phone: +65 6434 2695